Relationships Influence Your Talent

By Dr John C Maxwell
Five Signs of a Solid Relationship

Relationships at the secure level validate us and help us to become more comfortable with who we are and to discover our gifts and talents. Solid relationships add value to us so that our talent is actually enhanced. Our solid friends tell us the truth in a supportive way. They keep us grounded. If we start to get off course, they help keep us on track. They encourage us when we’re down and inspire us to go higher. A few solid relationships can make all the difference in where a talented person ends up in life. As you engage in relationships, try to find people with whom you can build solid relationships that are mutually beneficial. Here are the signs that a relationship is headed toward that level:

1. Mutual Enjoyment

In solid relationships, people spend time together just for the enjoyment of being together. What they do is not of significance. I think when many of us were kids, we intuitively understood the value of spending time with someone special. Do you remember how it felt to sit on the lap of your mother or father when you were small? Or how excited you got when a favorite uncle or a grandparent came to visit? Or how it felt when you first started dating? Unfortunately the busyness and pressures of life often cause us to forget what a joy this can be. I’ve always valued time with Margaret. Now that she and I are grandparents, time with people I love means even more to me. Try not to let the stresses of life make you lose track of that.

2. Respect

When you value someone on the front end of a relationship, you earn respect on the back end. And that’s foundational to all solid relationships. When do people respect you? When you don’t let obstacles or circumstances become more important to you than the relationship. When the pressure is on and you still treat them with patience and respect. When the relationship is struggling and you are willing to work hard to protect and preserve it. That’s when you have proven worthy of others’ respect. Respect is almost always built on difficult ground.
Proverbs, the book of wisdom, teaches about the strength of relationships:

· Friends are scarce (18:24).
· Friends will not jump ship when the going gets rough (17:17).
· Friends will be available for counsel (27:9).
· Friends will speak the truth to you (27:6).
· Friends will sharpen you (27:17).
· Friends will be sensitive to your feelings (26:18-19).
· Friends will stick with you (16:28; 18:24).

People who respect each other and build a solid relationship enjoy all of these benefits of friendship.

3. Shared Experiences

Going through a significant experience with another person creates a mutual bond. The experience can be positive or negative. Families come together and enjoy reminiscing about vacations they took years before (often the more disastrous, the more fondly remembered!). Colleagues build relationships as they work together on high-pressure projects. Soldiers talk about the bond that occurs as they train together and how it only increases if they go to war together. We all need others to lean on and to celebrate with. Shared experiences give us those opportunities.

I still remember vividly my father taking me out of school when I was ten years old so that I could accompany him on a business trip. At the time, he was a district superintendent in our denomination, which meant that he was a pastor and leader to many pastors of local churches in our region. Dad and I packed for the trip and traveled from town to town car. As we rode along, we talked. As he met with the various pastors, I watched him encouraging them. It not only created a special bond between us, but it modeled the kind of work with people that I would one day be doing myself. It was an experience I will treasure until the day I die.

4. Trust

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “ The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.” Trust is both a joy of relationships and a necessary component. In my book Winning with People, I described the Bedrock Principle, which says, “Trust is the foundation of any relationship.” Nothing is more important in relationships. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have much of a relationship.

5. Reciprocity

All relationships experience ebb and flow. Sometimes one person is the primary giver. Sometimes the other person is. But relationships that continue to be one-sided will not remain solid. When they continue to be out of balance, they become unstable and often unhealthy. If you want the relationship to continue, you will need to make changes. Here’s how it works:

· When you are getting the better of the relationship, changes must be made.
· When the other person is getting the better part, changes must be made.
· When you’re both getting an equally good deal, continue as before.

Friendships are like bank accounts. You cannot continue to draw on them without making deposits. If either of you becomes overdrawn and it stays that way, then the relationship won’t last. Solid relationships must be beneficial to both parties. Each person has to put the other first, and both have to benefit. Hall of Fame football coach Vince Lombardi described this when he was asked what made a winning team. He observed,

There are a lot of coaches with good ball clubs who know the fundamentals and have plenty of discipline but still don’t win the game. Then you come to the third ingredient: if you’re going to play together as a team, you’ve got to care for one another. You’ve got to love each other, Each player has to be thinking about the next guy and saying to himself, “If I don’t block that man, Paul is going to get his legs broken. I have to do my job in order that he can do his.” The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these guys have for each other.