Satan, the Destroyer

By Dr Warren W. Wiersbe

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 3:8

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat.’ Luke 22:31

They have as king over them, the angel of the abyss; his name in Hebrew is Abaddon [Destruction], and in the Greek he has the name Apollyon [Destroyer]. Revelation 9:11

Then there was brought to Him a demon-possessed man who was blind and dumb, and He healed him, so that the dumb man spoke and saw. Matthew 12:22

So the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he [Job] is in your power, only spare his life.” Job 2:6

1. SATAN’S TARGET—YOUR BODY

If Satan cannot defeat you by deceiving your mind, he will then try to destroy your body. As the serpent, he deceives; as the lion, he devours. If we believe his lies, then we will destroy our­selves. As I write this chapter, authorities are investigating the mass suicide of members of the People’s Temple in Guyana. Over 700 people died because they believed Satan’s lies.

But if we resist his deceit, then he will attack our bodies. Job is the prime illustration of this kind of attack. He lost the fruit of his body—his children. He lost the means to sustain his body — his flocks and herds and wealth. And he lost the health of his body when he contracted a loathsome disease. His friends sat in silence for a week, for they saw that Job was in great agony. Even Job’s wife was so overwhelmed by her hus­band’s trials that she suggested, “Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9). Satan did a through job of attacking Job’s body and all that related to it.

When you read the Gospel records you dis­cover that Satan, through his demonic helpers, attacked and sought to destroy the bodies of various people. He caused one man to be dumb (Matthew 9:32, 33), and a woman to be bent over and disabled (Luke 13:11-17). He even attacked a child and tried to get him to destroy himself in the water or the fire (Matthew 17:14-18). There is no escaping the awesome fact that Satan wants to attack and destroy your body.

Why does he want to do this? For several rea­sons. To begin with, your body is God’s temple.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corin­thians 6:19, 20

…according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I shall not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ shall even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. Philippians 1:20

God is invisible; the world cannot see him. Jesus Christ has returned to heaven and cannot be seen. But we Christians can be seen, and it is our conduct in the body that glorifies and exalts the Lord.

Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glori­fy your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

God wants to use your body as a vehicle for re­vealing him to a lost world. Unconverted people are not likely to read the Bible to learn about God, nor books of Christian theology; but they will read our lives.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own posses­sion, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

This means that when Satan attacks your body, he is attacking the one means God has of re­vealing his grace and love to a lost world. Crea­tion reveals the power, wisdom, and glory of God; but Christians reveal the grace and love of God. Not only is your body God’s temple, but it is also God’s tool.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteous­ness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. Romans 6:12, 13

When God wanted an ark constructed, he used the skill of Noah and his family. When he wanted the tabernacle built, he used the hands and minds of Bezalel and Oholiab and their helpers (Exodus 36:1 ff.). Jesus used the hands of his disciples for the distributing of the bread and fish. He used their lips and tongues for the preaching of the gospel. If God is going to get his work done in this world, he must use the various members of our bodies, empowered by the Spirit of God.

Satan knows that he can hinder God’s work by attacking God’s workers and putting their “tools” out of commission. The Greek word translated “instruments” in Romans 6:13 can be translated “tool” or even “weapon.” Just as God the Son had to take on a body to accomplish his work on earth, so the Holy Spirit needs our bodies. The members of your body are tools in the Spirit’s hands to help build the Church here on earth. Never underestimate the importance of your body. Never minimize the care of your body. The Christian who is careless about his health or safety is playing right into the hands of the destroyer.

The third reason Satan attacks your body is because your body is God’s treasury. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves. 2 Cor­inthians 4:7

When God saved you, he put the treasure of eternal life within your body. You have the very life of God within you! God did not give you this great treasure simply to protect it—an earthen vessel is not the safest place for a treasure! He gave you this treasure that he might invest it through you in the lives of others. For example, God deposited this spiritual wealth in the Apostle Paul

according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, with which I have been entrusted. 1 Timothy 1:11

Paul invested this treasure in Timothy.

O Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to you. 1 Timothy 6:20

Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, the treasure which has been entrusted to you.
2 Timothy 1:14

Timothy, in turn, was to invest this treasure in the lives of others.

And the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, these entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also. 2 Timothy 2:2

In other words, the safety and success of this spiritual investment is in the hands of weak human beings! The treasure is in an earthen vessel! Satan can rob the world of spiritual wealth by attacking the bodies of believers.

Finally, Satan attacks your body because it is God’s testing-ground. But I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27

The image here is that of the Greek games. Each participant had to qualify and keep the rules or he was not allowed to compete. If after he won a prize he was found guilty of breaking the rules, his prize was taken from him. Jim Thorpe, one of our greatest American athletes, had to return his Olympic medals because it was discovered he had earlier played sports for money, which is against Olympic rules. Satan can rob you of your rewards by attacking your body and getting you to break the rules. It is not a matter of salvation, but of rewards for faithful service. The athlete did not lose his citizenship if he broke the rules; he only forfeited his reward, a shameful experience indeed.

And now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confi­dence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming. 1 John 2:28

I cannot emphasize too much that your body is important to God. As God’s children, you and I must care for our bodies and use them for God’s glory. Anything in our lives that keeps us from doing our best must be abandoned. Just as the mechanic takes good care of his tools, so the be­liever takes good care of the “tools” of his body.

I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Romans 12:1

2. SATAN’S WEAPON—SUFFERING

Satan wants to control the circumstances around the body so that the believer will suffer. He wants to touch the body and create suffering. All of this is illustrated in the story of Job. First, Satan attacked Job’s body through the circum­stances around him, and Job lost his children, his wealth, and the favor of his wife, friends, and neighbors. Then Satan attacked Job’s person with a horrible disease. When Job looked around, his situation was painful. When he looked with­in, it was even more painful. And when he looked up, it seemed that God had forsaken him, although Job maintained his faith in God and was honored at the end.

It is important to note that God was always in control. Satan could not attack Job’s possessions until God gave him permission. Satan could not attack Job’s person until God allowed it. This reminds us of our Lord’s words to Peter.

‘Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission [literally “obtained by asking”] to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.” Luke 22:3 1, 32

Satan cannot touch the child of God without the heavenly Father’s permission. This is a great encouragement to us, for we know that whatever suffering may come to our lives, God has or­dained it and is in complete control. The one thing God will not control is how we respond to this suffering, and it is here that Satan can gain his purpose.

Note, too, that there is more than one kind of suffering in the life of the Christian. There is natural suffering that we experience simply be­cause we are human. We cannot prevent the gradual breakdown of the body as we grow old, though we can seek to delay it. We are subject to sickness and injury; we lose loved ones and friends as death claims them; we find ourselves slowing down when we wish we could speed things up. The inconvenience, and even the pain, of being a weak human being in a dangerous world cannot be blamed on the devil. All of crea­tion is groaning because of the bondage of sin, and we Christians are groaning with it (Romans 8:18-23).

God sometimes sends (or permits) his children to suffer that he might discipline them. Our heavenly Father loves us too much to permit us to be rebels, so he chastens us that we might conform to his will.

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. Hebrews 12:5, 6

The word translated ‘discipline” in Hebrews 12 simply means “child-training.” The purpose of discipline is the maturity of the son. God’s pur­pose is not to persecute us, but to perfect us. Chastening is not the work of an angry judge as he punishes a criminal. It is the work of a loving Father as he perfects a child.

This chastening is not always because we have sinned. True, God does “spank” his children if they rebel and refuse to repent. David sinned against God and tried to hide his sin for a year or more. Read Psalm 32 and discover what David suffered physically, emotionally, and spiritually because he would not submit to God. But some­times God permits suffering in our lives simply to build us up and help us mature.

Two storms in the Bible illustrate this truth. Jonah disobeyed God and refused to go to Nineveh. He found a convenient ship to take him to Tarshish, but God interrupted Jonah’s escape by sending a storm. When the mariners threw Jonah into the stormy sea, the prophet was swallowed by a great fish. He describes his “living death” in the stomach of the great fish in Chapter 2 of his book. God had to chasten Jonah and almost take his life before the prophet would confess his sins and surrender to God. This storm came for the purpose of correcting God’s servant who had been disobedient.

But there are storms that come because we are obedient! One such storm is recorded in Matthew 14:22-33. Jesus had fed more than 5,000 people and they wanted to make him king. He sent the crowd away, and also sent the disci­ples across the Sea of Galilee in their boat. He went up to the mountaintop to pray. When the disciples got away from the land, a fierce storm arose and almost sank the ship. Please note: they were not in the storm because they disobeyed the Lord, but because they obeyed him. He was testing and perfecting their faith. Later he came to them and stilled the storm; but the entire experience revealed to the men how weak their faith really was.

So, we sometimes suffer simply because we are human. We suffer, too, because we disobey the Lord and need to be chastened. We also suffer that God might perfect our faith and help us ma­ture. Not all suffering is Satanic in origin. But there is a kind of suffering that is Satan’s weapon, and that is what Job experienced. It seemed that all of the calamities in his life had perfectly natural explanations: the Sabeans took the oxen and donkeys; fire from heaven (perhaps light­ning) burned the sheep; the Chaldeans took the camels; and a great wind (a tornado?) wrecked his oldest son’s house and killed all of Job’s chil­dren. But Satan was behind all of them! When God gives him permission, Satan can use people and the forces of nature to accomplish his pur­poses.

As believers, we have this confidence: God is always in complete control. When God permits Satan to light the furnace, he always keeps his own hand on the thermostat! Job did not know what was going on behind the scenes. He had no idea that God was permitting him to suffer so that Satan might be silenced. The real battle was “in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). Job’s home and body were only the arena in which the two combatants—God and Satan—were strug­gling against each other. Satan wanted to use Job’s body to defeat God, and God wanted to use Job’s body to defeat Satan.

When you find yourself in difficult circum­stances, seek to discern through the Word and prayer whether your suffering is from nature, from God, or from Satan. Is God perfecting you? Is he disciplining you? Is Satan seeking to hinder your ministry or even destroy you? You cannot control the origin of your suffering, but you can control the outcome. How? This leads us to our next section.

3. SATAN’S PURPOSE— TO MAKE YOU IMPATIENT WITH GOD’S WILL

The only place in the New Testament where Job is named is James 5:11:

Behold, we count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

This verse indicates that Satan’s purpose was to try to get Job to be impatient and give up. Job did become impatient with himself and his critical friends, but he never lost his faith in God. Though he did not understand what God was doing, Job knew that he could trust God and that God would vindicate him in the end.

Patience is an important Christian virtue. Un­less we have patience, we can never learn many of the truths that God wants us to learn, truths that will lead us into a deeper life and a more fruitful ministry.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Children are usually impatient; they cannot sit still long enough to get the things done that need to be done. “How long do we have to wait?” is the stock question of the child. Impatience is a mark of immaturity.

But impatience is also a mark of unbelief. “He who believes will not be in a hurry” (Isaiah 28:16, literal translation). When you find yourself rest­less and nervous, anxious to ‘‘do something,’’ you can be sure you are not trusting God to work. You and I need to be

imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. Hebrews 6:12

Faith and patience go together. If we really trust God, then we will wait on him to accomplish what he has promised. Impatience is not only a mark of immaturity and unbelief, but it is a mark of fleshly living. The flesh (the old nature) is always impatient, but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Gala­tians 5:22, 23

By nature, we are impatient; but the new nature within can produce patience as we yield to the Holy Spirit. Whenever you find an impulsive, impatient believer, you can be reasonably sure that that person is not walking in the Spirit, but is living by the energy of the flesh.

Impatience always leads to costly mistakes. Abraham became impatient with God and “married” Hagar, his wife’s handmaid, in order to bring a son into the world and fulfill God’s promise. A son was born, but he caused nothing but trouble! Abraham had to wait another four­teen years for Isaac to be born, and Isaac brought joy and blessing to the home.

King Saul became impatient and would not wait for the prophet Samuel to come. He rushed ahead of God’s will and offered the sacrifice, and this was the beginning of the end of his kingdom.

Peter became impatient in the Garden of Geth­semane and tried to kill a man with his sword! Instead of cutting the man’s throat, Peter only severed his ear; and Jesus, to save Peter’s life, healed the wound. Peter’s impatience almost cost him his life.

Satan knows that if he can make us impatient, he can lead us to do something stupid and get ourselves and others into trouble. I recall a friend who became impatient in his ministry, hastily resigned from the church, and accepted a church that was supposed to be “heaven on earth.” It turned out to be just the opposite, and within a year my friend was moving again. I remember another friend who thought he found a “get rich quick” job, jumped into it, and almost lost everything he had. Fortunately his old boss took him back, but my friend had to start on a lower rung of the ladder. Impatience is costly.

But patient endurance is enriching. Satan tempts us that he might bring out the worst in us, but God permits it that he might bring out the best in us. Job knew this; therefore, he said:

But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10

God will never permit the enemy to put us through the fire without his having a definite purpose in mind. God wants to make you pa­tient. We cannot learn patience by reading a book or hearing a lecture. The only way we can learn patience is by going through the trials that God assigns to us. The trials of life are the tools God uses to mature us, to build our faith, and to get us to trust the Spirit and not the flesh.

When you find yourself impatient, you can be sure that Satan and the flesh are at work, and that you are in danger of making a wrong decision. When the circumstances of life are irritating, that is the time to beware! When family prob­lems, friends, finances, or feelings are making life uncomfortable, then you can be sure Satan is near, waiting for an opportunity to attack.
But God has given you a defense!

4. YOUR DEFENSE— THE IMPARTED GRACE OF GOD

Job is not the only saint who felt Satan’s attack against his body, for the great Apostle Paul had a similar experience.

And because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficul­ties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

We do not know what Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” was; but whatever it was, it buffeted him enough to make him pray three times for healing. (You will recall that our Lord prayed three times in the Garden that the cup might pass from him. When difficulties come, it is not wrong to pray for deliverance.) God did not answer Paul’s prayer, but God did meet Paul’s need. “My grace is sufficient for you.” It is the imparted grace of God that gives us victory when Satan attacks the body with suffering. Only by the grace of God can we have the patient endurance that we need as we go through the furnace.

And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

Our God is “the God of all grace.” The Holy Spirit who indwells us is “the Spirit of grace” (Hebrews 10:29). God’s throne is a “throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), and his Word is “the word of His grace” (Acts 20:32). It is grace from start to finish! God’s grace is God’s provision for our every need. Grace is not a “mystical substance” that God pours into us when we have a need. Grace is God’s bountiful supply of our every need. “Law” means that I must do something for God, but “grace” means that God does something for me. Grace cannot be deserved. Grace cannot he earned. Grace can only be given.

To begin with, you were saved by God’s grace.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast. Ephesians 2:8, 9

This means that “the riches of His grace” are now available to you (Ephesians 2:7). God can give you grace for serving (1 Corinthians 15:9, 10), for sacrificing (2 Corinthians 8:1-9), for singing (Colossians 3:16, margin), and even for Speaking (Colossians 4:6). It also means that God can give you grace for suffering, as he did with Job and Paul.

What steps, then, should you take when Satan attacks your body with suffering and tries to make you impatient with God’s will?

(1) Immediately submit yourself to God. If you rebel, you will give Satan another foothold in your life. Tell God exactly how you feel, but also tell him that you love him and will trust him, come what may.

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Job 13:15

(2) Thank God for the trials.

Always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father. Ephesians 5:20

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

This does not mean you enjoy the suffering, but only that you rejoice because you are suffering in the will of God and you know that he is in con­trol. Satan hates it when believers thank God in their trials. When Paul and Silas sang and praised God in that Philippian jail, they completely ruined all of Satan’s plans! (Read Acts 16:14 ff.)

(3) Spend much time in the Word of God. It is the “word of His grace” (Acts 20:32), and the gracious promises of God will strengthen you. Remember: we do not live on explanations; we live on promises. God did not explain to Abra­ham everything that he was doing, but he did give Abraham all the promises he needed to keep going.

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Thy word.... It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Thy statutes. Psalm 119:67, 71

You will discover in God’s Word the promises and encouragements that you need for each day.

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

(4) Look for ways to glorify Christ. Remem­ber, God wants to use your body to glorify him; Satan wants to use your body to disgrace the Lord. Patience in suffering always glorifies God. Unconverted people cannot understand how Christians can suffer and not complain or rebel.

For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. 1 Peter 2:20

But if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not feel ashamed, but in that name let him glorify God. 1 Peter 4:16

In the midst of shame and suffering, Paul and Silas glorified God by singing and praising his name. While he was being stoned to death, Stephen glorified God by praying for his murder­ers. Many of David’s psalms record the fact that he could praise God even when persecuted and rejected. Paul’s most joyful letter—Philippians—was written from Roman imprisonment when his life was in the balance.

As you follow these instructions, you will dis­cover the Spirit of grace working in your life and imparting to you the grace of God. You will grow in patient endurance! You will experience God’s love and grace within, and this experience will more than compensate for the inconvenience and suffering without. God may not change the circumstances, but he will change you so that the circumstances will work for you and not against you. As I said before, you and I cannot control the origin or the operation of suffering, but we can (with God’s help) control the out­come.

Most gladly. therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

If you live to please yourself, then Satan will win. If you live to glorify God, Satan will lose. The imparted grace of God is the only weapon that can defeat him, and that grace can be found only in “the God of all grace.”

Personality Types: People Who Need People vs. Private Persons

By Dr H. Norman Wright

It helps to be aware of your personality type, but don’t envy someone else’s to the point that you apologize for who you are. God created all types, so it’s all right to be you! Remember: In developing a relationship you need to be who you are—don’t downplay your personality. Sometimes people think, If I’m really me they won’t like me, so I’ll mellow out. This is courtship deception.

As we look at these personality types remember that this is the way you were uniquely created. It’s your bent, your inclina­tion, your preference. You could have been raised in an environ­ment which stifled the development of this preference. Or it could have been a very positively reinforcing situation and you were encouraged to be who you are.

Remember, too, as we look at your preferences, that even though you are mainly one type or another, such as Extrovert vs. Introvert, that doesn’t mean that your personality doesn’t also incorporate some features of another type. Your preference or strength may be that of an Extrovert, but there will still be some of the Introvert in you.

Remember the word preferences. It’s like being either left- or right-handed. Even though you may be left-handed, this doesn’t mean you don’t use your right hand. You just prefer your left. You may prefer it strongly or just a bit. You rely upon one hand more and gravitate to it. This will always be your preference. But the older you become the more you learn to use your non-preferred hand as well.

So let’s consider who you are and who the other person is in your life. As you read the various statements to follow you will find that you agree with some, while others you won’t relate to as much. Occasionally you may find yourself in both of the pref­erence sets, but most of the time one will be predominant.

Extrovert vs. Introvert

There are four pairs of preference possibilities in the Myers­-Briggs structure. The first is Extroversion vs. Introversion.

Now, I’m sure you have your own definitions of what these mean, but it’s important to be clear about them. This is the way people prefer to interact with the environment or to be ener­gized. To generalize, an Extrovert (E) gains energy from people, while an Introvert (I) is energized by being alone. Remember that distinction as we offer further details.

E’s: People Who Need People

E’s (for Extrovert, remember) are social creatures. “People ener­gy” is what they feed on. They’re approachable by friends and strangers alike. Sometimes they may tend to dominate a conver­sation. Invite them to a six-hour party and they’re on cloud nine. At the end of the party they’re wired and ready to go out with friends for coffee at Denny’s. They talk with everyone; in fact they may share too much too soon on a personal level.

E’s are not the best listeners. For them, listening is harder than talking. They may also have a tendency to interrupt. If they’re dating an I, they might spend the evening answering their own questions, and then thank the I for a great time. If they’re in a relationship, they tell others all about it. And they enter into relationships quite easily.

E’s have been described as walking mouths. Instead of think­ing first they talk first, and really have no idea what they’re going to say until they hear themselves talking. They brainstorm out loud for the entire world to hear. The ideas they come up with aren’t set in concrete. They’re still working them out, but they let everyone else in on the process.

E’s typically like noise. They look forward to the interrup­tions of phone calls, and if the phone doesn’t ring they’ll start calling people. When they come home, they’ll turn on the TV and/or stereo even though they don’t watch or listen. It’s noise.

If E’s are in a relationship, they become lonely when their partner isn’t there. They look forward to doing things with their partner rather than just sitting around. You would think that E’s are very secure, the way they connect with people; but they have a high need for affirmation and compliments from everyone, especially significant people. They may think they’ve done a good job, but they won’t believe it until they hear it from some­one else. They may ask you for your opinion, too.

I’s and the Preference of Privacy

At the other extreme from E’s, I’s are drained by people. They need to “energize” during downtime or by being alone. Often they’re seen as shy or reserved. They prefer to share their time with one other person or a few close friends. They are usually quiet among strangers. They love privacy and quiet time to them­selves. They learn how to concentrate and shut out noise.

Invite I’s to a six-hour party and they respond, “Six hours! You’ve got to be kidding. What will I do for six hours? I’d be wiped out!” So they go late, talk to selected people one at a time and leave early. That’s comfortable for them.

I’s are good listeners and hate to be interrupted when they talk. When they’re in a relationship they tend to keep their thoughts to themselves and wish their partner would too, if he or she is an E. Also, I’s tend to be cautious in entering into a new relationship.

I’s need to formulate what they’re going to say in the privacy of their minds before they’re ready to share it. If pressured to give an immediate, quick answer, their minds shut down. They usually respond with, “Let me think about that,” or “I’ll get back to you on this.”

When asked a question. I’s usually take an average of seven sec­onds before responding. (The problem is, if the other person is an E, they usually wait about a second and a half before jumping in to give an answer.) I’s wish other people would rehearse their thoughts as they do. They carry on great conversations with them­selves, including what the other person said, then what they them­selves said, what the other person said, etc. They can do this so realistically that they believe the conversation actually occurred. You can imagine what misunderstandings this could cause.

I’s are suspicious of compliments. In turn they may be sparse in giving them. So if an I’s partner is an E, what might this do to the relationship? When I’s are in a relationship, they can handle the other per­son being gone quite well. In a dating setting they may prefer just being with the other person, without a lot of activity and noise.
What about you? Do you see yourself as an E or an I? What about your partner? On the following graph, indicate where you see yourself by placing your initials there. Then indicate where you perceive your partner on the scale.

I’s and E’s Together?

Can an I and an E be compatible? What if they’re extreme? You may assume that two I’s and two E’s would be more compatible because of their similarities. But other aspects of our personali­ties need to be factored in because they also play a part in the compatibility equation. Frankly, any two personality combina­tions take work.

A couple in which one is an E and the other an I may experi­ence more excitement and romance in their relationship. The downside is they may have to work harder at being compatible. Those couples who have the same preference or who are closer together may find that compatibility comes more easily; but they will need to work on bringing stimulating ideas and resources into their relationship. If not, they could get into a rut! The very factor that attracted the E and I to each other before marriage can be the major issue of conflict after marriage, as each person’s preference will seem more extreme.

What can two different personality types do to be compatible?

a) Accept and verbally praise your partner’s difference and uniqueness. Don’t try to make him or her into a revised edition of yourself

b) Praise God for the strengths in each preference, such as the E’s ability to connect socially and the I’s stability, strength and depth of thinking.

c) Es need to remember that I’s can be exhausted by superficial socializing. They will prefer less frequent get-togethers with just a few people, particularly those they are comfortable with. An E can help in a large gathering of people by not introducing their partner to everyone, making them the center of attention, talking too loud, revealing personal items about their relation­ship, calling on them to pray out loud or asking them a question which requires an immediate response. An E could also single out for a partner individuals with whom he would be comfortable in a one-on-one con­versation.

Sensor vs. Intuitive

The next set of preferences has a profound impact on communi­cation and intimacy in your relationship. They reflect what sort of information you gather, how you gather it and the way you pay attention to it. You’re either what we call a Sensor or an intuitive.

S Is for Sensory Perceptors

If you are a Sensor, you’re keyed into information that you receive through your senses. What you pay attention to are the facts and details of situations. This is what you perceive, or notice—it’s what you believe. What’s it like being a Sensor (S)? It really shows up in com­munication. When you ask a question, you want a specific answer. If you ask your partner, “What time should I meet you?” and she says. “Around four” that just won’t do it. You may ask, “Does that mean 3:55, 4:00 or 4:05?’ You’re that literal.
If someone asks you if you have the time, you say “Yes—but you don’t tell them until they ask. You force others to be specific. You don’t assume.

If you’re an S and you’re looking at something to purchase and your partner says. “It’s a good deal. It’s less than $100,” that won’t do, either. You want the bottom line. (Remember, the stronger your preference in this area, the more you are like this. If you’re more toward the middle of the scale, the less intense you are.)

As an S you tend to be a focused person. You have a high level of concentration on what you’re doing now—at the present. The future? Deal with it when it arrives. Don’t waste time wondering what’s next.

You’re a doer. If you have a choice between sitting around thinking about something and performing a task, there’s no question as to what you’ll do. And you want to invest your efforts in tasks that yield results you can see. You’re a factual person. Theories don’t thrill you, but good old facts do. This probably affects the type and style of preaching and teaching you respond to. When you hear something from another person you want it sequentially-—A to B to C to D. You don’t like it when others meander off the path.

S’s have little use for fantasy. They wonder why people assume, speculate and imagine. What good does it do? One of their biggest frustrations is when others don’t give them clear guidelines or instructions. After all, they are very explicit and detailed when they tell someone something. So it really bothers them when they receive instructions that are just general guidelines. They have difficulty seeing the overall plan of something because they focus in on what they’re doing—they see the indi­vidual tree but not the forest.

When it comes to money (which can be a source for major conflict in a relationship) S’s are very exacting. Money to them is very tangible. When they have it they can use it, but only as much as the amount allows). The S’s view of money is that it’s a tool to be used. That’s it. In a relationship they probably look at money realistically, rather than through rose-colored glasses. Predictability in a relationship gives them a sense of security, whereas change throws them. As a relationship progresses and grows, they want to know where they stand. They want explicit signs of commitment such as formal announcements, rings, etc. They’re open to hearing and considering others’ input about a relationship, but they also have very clear roles and expectations for their relationships.

N’s and the Intuitive World

If your preference is intuition, the way you respond to the world is not through the five senses or by means of facts, but on the basis of your “sixth sense” or “hunches.” Details and facts have their place (perhaps), but you can easily become bored with them. You don’t take things at face value; instead, you look for the underlying meaning of relationships. You look for possibili­ties, and your focus is not on the here-and-now but the future.

N’s are sometimes perceived as a bit absentminded. Why? Simply because they like to think of several things at once. Sometimes it’s difficult to concentrate on what’s going on at the moment because the future has so many intriguing possibilities. N’s live for the future. Today? Its purpose is to help get ready for tomorrow!

N’s have a unique way of dealing with time—to them it’s rel­ative. They may have a watch, but it doesn’t help them be on time. “Late” doesn’t register with them unless an event has start­ed without them. They may also be late because they tried to do too much before they left.
Can you begin to see now how an S and an N might be attract­ed to one another? The staunch, staid, responsible one may admire the free-spirited butterfly. But can you also see the poten­tial for driving each other up the wall with these same tenden­cies after the infatuation and honeymoon bliss wears off? As S’s are seen as rock-stable persons, N’s are creative. Their minds seem always to be in motion figuring out things just for the fun of it.

Dr. Dave Stoop shares a choice example of the difference in the way an N and an S live life.

Intuitive people do things quickly. They start down the hill and soon find a ski jump. As they fly through the air, they land at the bottom of the hill. It took them less than a minute to get there, and they sit down and wait for their sensing spouses. When those people finally arrive, the intuitive people ask them, “What on earth took you so long?” After the sensing people relate all that they have seen on the way down the mountain, they stop and ask the intuitive people, “How did you get here?” INtuitive people can only say, “I don’t know how, but I got here.” Sensing people then reply, “It may take me longer, but at least I know how I got here.” The sensing people see a lot of the details as well, whereas intuitive people are so quick to jump to a conclusion, they miss the details and sometimes miss out on the joy of the moment.

Instead of accepting things at face value, N’s want to probe deeper, always asking, ‘Why is it this way?” They can drive an S crazy with their inquisitive, speculative nature, as with their general answers even to specific questions. N’s tend to see the forest rather than the individual trees, so specifics slip by them. On the other hand, even if they’re sitting and looking at the forest they may not see it because their minds are elsewhere.

N’s tend to view relationships optimistically, at times even unrealistically. The subtle indications that a relationship is pro­gressing are important—signs such as gifts, cards and remember­ing special dates. Change and variation in their relationship is very important. If others raise any concerns about their partner, they tend to turn a deaf ear. They spend time thinking about the ideal relationship and tend to overlook reality. They believe that the roles and expectations of a relationship are negotiable and open to change.

It’s interesting to note the differences between S’s and N’s when it comes to dating. For an S a date begins when you get together. Not so for an N. A date can start when the first arrange­ments are made. They think and fantasize about the date—and all the possibilities—for weeks. Once the date is over, they don’t concentrate on that experience; they are already thinking about the next one. Actually what occurs in their imagination is better than the real thing. On the second date the N might describe the first date in such a way that the S wonders if they were on the same date. Reality can become a bit distorted by the imagination.

How S’s and N’s Can Relate to Each Other

About 70 percent of our population are Sensors and 30 percent intuitive. What if you have a relationship with someone in the opposite camp?

You may want to read back through the preceding description and note the various possibilities. Remember that an S would pre­fer the N to respond more like an S, and the N would prefer the S to be more like an N. You will need to do two things: learn how to flex and accomplish this to some degree, but also let the other person be, realizing that he or she is contributing something to you that you don’t have. Here are some things to consider.

If you’re an S and your partner is an N, your partner will chal­lenge you with possibilities you’ve never considered. Be willing to consider them, instead of immediately responding with a neg­ative response. Accept the fact that what the N does or says will probably raise your anxiety over the risk factor. Sometimes N’s fail to notice something you’ve done for them, what you’ve served them, or new clothes or furniture. Let them know that it’s important to you for them to notice and comment. And if you’re an N, make it a point to do so. If you’re an S, you’re not responsible for the N’s restlessness or discontent. You haven’t caused it. And you can’t fix it, either.

An N can be frustrated when an S isn’t wildly enthusiastic about some of his dreams and ideas. But an S may be if the N presents them simply and factually, and suggests that his partner think about it. An N needs this in order to respond. Remember that your S partner will take care of routine details that you tend to overlook. Express your gratitude for this. An N needs to remember that what is said to an S will be taken at face value. In other words, literally.

S’s tend to use complete sentences when they speak, and they end these sentences with a period. It’s definite. Emphatic. But N’s spin out sentences that omit certain information they assume the other person knows—and they end the sentence with a dash. They’re tentative. So when these two types talk to one another, they listen to the other according to their specific trait and assume the other person is talking in the same way they talk.

Dr. Dave Stoop describes the intuitive mind as being in two parts. One part they’re conscious of, and one part they’re aware of but can’t activate. It’s like an iceberg—10 percent is above the water where it can be seen, 90 percent is underwater. The part they can’t articulate won’t pop to the surface for a couple of days or until someone helps them articulate it. Dave says,

It’s important to know that you will never find out what the dash of the intuitive person means by asking a question. If that is what you do, you will simply get a rehash of the infor­mation that has already been given. Instead, the sensing per­son must paraphrase back to the intuitive person what he or she heard the intuitive person say, and then allow the intu­itive person to add to what has been said already. And this paraphrasing needs to be repeated until the intuitive person says, “Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to say to you.”

When intuitive people write out a first draft of a note or memo and then look at what they wrote, they will often add more information between the lines or up the side of the paper with an arrow to show where that thought goes. They do this because when they write, they can see the part of the iceberg that is still underwater.
Unfortunately, both S’s and N’s often assume that their part­ner can read their minds. Major conflict is on the horizon unless these assumptions are dropped in favor of clarification. When an S talks he usually identifies the topic and moves through it factually and sequentially, although a bit unimagina­tively for an N. But an N may start talking without identifying the subject, give three or four sentences of background material, go around the barn twice because they tend to be tangential in their thinking, and then arrive at the subject.