Relationships Influence Your Talent

By Dr John C Maxwell
Five Signs of a Solid Relationship

Relationships at the secure level validate us and help us to become more comfortable with who we are and to discover our gifts and talents. Solid relationships add value to us so that our talent is actually enhanced. Our solid friends tell us the truth in a supportive way. They keep us grounded. If we start to get off course, they help keep us on track. They encourage us when we’re down and inspire us to go higher. A few solid relationships can make all the difference in where a talented person ends up in life. As you engage in relationships, try to find people with whom you can build solid relationships that are mutually beneficial. Here are the signs that a relationship is headed toward that level:

1. Mutual Enjoyment

In solid relationships, people spend time together just for the enjoyment of being together. What they do is not of significance. I think when many of us were kids, we intuitively understood the value of spending time with someone special. Do you remember how it felt to sit on the lap of your mother or father when you were small? Or how excited you got when a favorite uncle or a grandparent came to visit? Or how it felt when you first started dating? Unfortunately the busyness and pressures of life often cause us to forget what a joy this can be. I’ve always valued time with Margaret. Now that she and I are grandparents, time with people I love means even more to me. Try not to let the stresses of life make you lose track of that.

2. Respect

When you value someone on the front end of a relationship, you earn respect on the back end. And that’s foundational to all solid relationships. When do people respect you? When you don’t let obstacles or circumstances become more important to you than the relationship. When the pressure is on and you still treat them with patience and respect. When the relationship is struggling and you are willing to work hard to protect and preserve it. That’s when you have proven worthy of others’ respect. Respect is almost always built on difficult ground.
Proverbs, the book of wisdom, teaches about the strength of relationships:

· Friends are scarce (18:24).
· Friends will not jump ship when the going gets rough (17:17).
· Friends will be available for counsel (27:9).
· Friends will speak the truth to you (27:6).
· Friends will sharpen you (27:17).
· Friends will be sensitive to your feelings (26:18-19).
· Friends will stick with you (16:28; 18:24).

People who respect each other and build a solid relationship enjoy all of these benefits of friendship.

3. Shared Experiences

Going through a significant experience with another person creates a mutual bond. The experience can be positive or negative. Families come together and enjoy reminiscing about vacations they took years before (often the more disastrous, the more fondly remembered!). Colleagues build relationships as they work together on high-pressure projects. Soldiers talk about the bond that occurs as they train together and how it only increases if they go to war together. We all need others to lean on and to celebrate with. Shared experiences give us those opportunities.

I still remember vividly my father taking me out of school when I was ten years old so that I could accompany him on a business trip. At the time, he was a district superintendent in our denomination, which meant that he was a pastor and leader to many pastors of local churches in our region. Dad and I packed for the trip and traveled from town to town car. As we rode along, we talked. As he met with the various pastors, I watched him encouraging them. It not only created a special bond between us, but it modeled the kind of work with people that I would one day be doing myself. It was an experience I will treasure until the day I die.

4. Trust

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “ The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.” Trust is both a joy of relationships and a necessary component. In my book Winning with People, I described the Bedrock Principle, which says, “Trust is the foundation of any relationship.” Nothing is more important in relationships. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have much of a relationship.

5. Reciprocity

All relationships experience ebb and flow. Sometimes one person is the primary giver. Sometimes the other person is. But relationships that continue to be one-sided will not remain solid. When they continue to be out of balance, they become unstable and often unhealthy. If you want the relationship to continue, you will need to make changes. Here’s how it works:

· When you are getting the better of the relationship, changes must be made.
· When the other person is getting the better part, changes must be made.
· When you’re both getting an equally good deal, continue as before.

Friendships are like bank accounts. You cannot continue to draw on them without making deposits. If either of you becomes overdrawn and it stays that way, then the relationship won’t last. Solid relationships must be beneficial to both parties. Each person has to put the other first, and both have to benefit. Hall of Fame football coach Vince Lombardi described this when he was asked what made a winning team. He observed,

There are a lot of coaches with good ball clubs who know the fundamentals and have plenty of discipline but still don’t win the game. Then you come to the third ingredient: if you’re going to play together as a team, you’ve got to care for one another. You’ve got to love each other, Each player has to be thinking about the next guy and saying to himself, “If I don’t block that man, Paul is going to get his legs broken. I have to do my job in order that he can do his.” The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these guys have for each other.

Character protects your talent

By Dr John C Maxwell

Many people with talent make it into the limelight, but the ones who have neglected to develop strong character rarely stay there long. Absence of strong character eventually topples talent. Why? Because people cannot climb beyond the limitations of their character. Talented people are sometimes tempted to take shortcuts. Character prevents that. Talented people may feel superior and expect special privileges. Character helps them to know better. Talented people are praised for what others see them build. Character builds what’s inside them. Talented people have the potential to be difference makers. Character makes a difference in them. Talented people are often a gift to the world. Character protects that gift.

The Components of Character

People are like icebergs. There’s much more to them than meets the eye. When you look at an iceberg, only about 15 percent is visible—that’s talent. The rest—their character—is below the surface, hidden. It’s what they think and never share with others. It’s what they do when no one is watching them. It’s how they react to terrible traffic and other everyday aggravations. It’s how they handle failure—and success. The greater their talent is, the greater their need is for strong character “below the surface” to sustain them. If they are too “top heavy” with talent, then they are likely to get into trouble.

No one can expect to succeed without strong character below the surface to protect his talent and sustain him during difficult times. Character holds us steady, no matter how rough the storm becomes. “Character is the pedestal that determines how much weight a person can sustain. If your character is the size of- a tooth pick, you can only sustain a postage stamp. If your character is as thick as a column, you can sustain a roof.”

So what exactly comprises character?

1. Self-Discipline

At the most basic level, self-discipline is the ability to do what is right even when you don’t feel like doing it. Outstanding leaders and achievers throughout history understood this. Greek philosopher Plato asserted, “The first and best victory is to conquer self.”

The greatest victories are internal ones. Oswald Sanders, the author of the book on leadership that launched my personal journey as a leader, Spiritual Leadership, wrote that the future is with the disciplined. He said that without self-discipline, a leader’s other gifts—however great—will never realize their maximum potential. That’s true not only of leaders but also of anyone who wants to reach his or her potential. Talent alone is never enough. A person must have talent plus character. The battle for self-discipline is won within. The notable mountain climber Sir Edmund Hillary observed, “It’s not the mountains we conquer, but ourselves.”

English theologian and orator Henry Parry Liddon observed, “What we do on some great occasion will probably depend on what we already are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline.” The first step to strong character is conquering self.

2. Core Values

Our core values are the principles we live by every day. They define what we believe and how we live. Ideally we should write out our core values so that they become a clear beacon we can always use to guide us.

John Wooden, the Hall of Fame former coach of UCLA’s basketball team. When he graduated from grade school at twelve years old, his father gave him a seven-point creed. From that time, Wooden has carried a written copy of that creed with him every day. Here is what it says:

1. Be true to yourself.
2. Help others.
3. Make each day your masterpiece.
4. Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
5. Make friendship a fine art.
6. Build a shelter against a rainy day.
7. Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

Swiss philosopher Henri Frederic Amiel stated, “The man who has no inner life is the slave of his surroundings.” Core values give order and structure to an individual’s inner life, and when that inner life is in order, a person can navigate almost anything the world throws at him.

3. A Sense of Identity

When it comes to character, each of us must answer the critical question, “Who am I?” That answer often provides the motivation to practice self-discipline. It is fundamental for the identification of core values. And it helps to establish emotional security. Our sense of security—or lack of it—often drives what we do.

American novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne recognized this truth: “No man can for any considerable time wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.” How do you identify yourself? Where does your personal value come from? What is your motivation as it relates to money and power?

If you live with a chip on your shoulder, believe deep down you have no intrinsic value, or see yourself as a victim, you will have a distorted view of yourself and your surroundings. That, in turn, will impact your character. No matter how hard you try, you cannot consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how you see yourself. Thus, a strong and accurate sense of identity is essential. To paraphrase author Ruth Barton, people are set up to fail if they envision what they want to do before they figure out what kind of person they should be.

4. Integrity

The final component in strong character is integrity, which is an alignment of values, thoughts, feelings, and actions. People who possess the consistency that comes with strong integrity can be very compelling. In his book American Scandal, Pat Williams tells the story of Mahatma Gandhi’s trip to England to speak before Parliament. The British government had opposed Indian independence, and Gandhi, one of its most vocal proponents, had often been threatened, arrested, and jailed as a result. Gandhi spoke eloquently and passionately for nearly two hours, after which the packed hall gave him a standing ovation.

Afterward, a reporter asked Gandhi’s assistant, Mahadev Desai, how the Indian statesman had been able to deliver such a speech without any notes. “You don’t understand Gandhi,” Desai responded. “You see, what he thinks is what he feels. What he feels is what he says. What he says is what he does. What Gandhi feels, what he thinks, what he says, and what he does are all the same. He does not need notes.” When values, thoughts, feelings, and actions are in alignment, a person becomes focused and his character is strengthened.

Developing talent without developing character is a dead end. It won’t take people where they want to go. The lives of people who are long on talent but short on character always get out of balance. A joint study conducted by Korn/Ferry International and the UCLA Graduate School of Management asked 1,300 senior executives to identify the top trait needed to enhance a business executive’s effectiveness. Coming in first was integrity. In second place was concern for results, with responsibility third. What’s true for the boardroom is also true in the classroom, living room, soup kitchen, or gym. If you want your talent to take you far, you need to protect that talent with integrity.

Perseverance sustains your talent

By Dr John C Maxwell

Perseverance is not an issue of talent. It is not an issue of time. It is about finishing. Talent provides hope for accomplishment, but perseverance guarantees it.

Principles of Perseverance

No matter how talented people are, there is no success without perseverance. World War I flying ace Eddie Rickenbacker said, I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through then follow through. Many people like to think things through; few follow through.

If you desire to become a talent-plus person, you need to understand some things about perseverance:

1. Perseverance Means Succeeding Because You Are Determined to, Not Destined To

The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of determination. The greatest achievers don’t just sit back and wait for success because they think they deserve it. They keep moving forward and persevering because they are determined to achieve it.

2. Perseverance Recognizes Life Is Not a Long Race, but Many Short Ones in Succession

Have you heard the saying, Life is a marathon? Whoever first said it was almost certainly trying to encourage people to keep trying when things get tough and to have a patient yet tenacious approach to life. But I think whoever said it didn’t find quite get it right. Life isn’t one very long race. Its actually a long series of shorter races, one after another. Each task has its own challenges. Each day is its own event.

3. Perseverance Is Needed to Release Most of Life’s Rewards

How many highly successful people do you know who gave up? How many do you know who have been richly rewarded for quitting? I don’t know any, and I bet you don’t either. Its said that Walt Disney’s request for a loan was rejected by 301 banks before he finally got a yes. The loan he received allowed him to build Disneyland, the first and most famous theme park in history.

Inventor Thomas Edison asserted, Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Its the last step in the race that counts the most. That is where the winner is determined. That is where the rewards come. If you run every step of the race well except the last one and you stop before the finish line, then the end result will be the same as if you never ran a step.

4. Perseverance Draws Sweetness Out of Adversity

The trials and pressures of life and how we face them often define us. Confronted by adversity, many people give up while others rise up. How do those who succeed do it? They persevere. They find the benefit to them personally that comes from any trial. And they recognize that the best thing about adversity is coming out on the other side of it. There is a sweetness to overcoming your troubles and finding something good in the process, however small it may be.

I came across a poem by Howard Goodman called I Don’t Regret a Mile that expresses this idea well. It says, in part:

I’ve dreamed many a dream thats never come true,
I’ve seen them vanish at dawn,
But enough of my dreams have come true
To make me keep dreaming on

I’ve prayed many a prayer that seemed no answer would come,
Though I’d waited so patient and long;
But enough answers have come to my prayers
To make me keep praying on

I’ve sown many a seed thats fallen by the wayside,
For the birds to feed upon
But I’ve held enough golden sheaves in my hands
To make me keep sowing on

I’ve trusted many a friend thats failed me
And left me to weep alone
But enough of my friends have been true-blue
To make me keep trusting on

I’ve drained the cup of disappointment and pain,
And gone many a day without song
But I’ve sipped enough nectar from the roses of life
To make me want to live on

Giving up when adversity threatens can make a person bitter.

Persevering through adversity makes one better.

5. Perseverance Has a Compounding Effect on Life

Author Napoleon Hill says, Every successful person finds that great success lies just beyond the point when they’re convinced their idea is not going to work.


6. Perseverance Means Stopping Not Because You’re Tired but Because the Task Is Done

Former diplomat and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom Robert Strauss commented, Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired you quit when the gorilla is tired. If you think about it, perseverance doesn’t really come into play until you are tired. When you’re fresh, excited, and energetic, you approach a task with vigor. Work is fun. Only when you become tired do you need perseverance.

To successful people, fatigue and discouragement are not signs to quit. They perceive them as signals to draw on their reserves, rely on their character, and keep going. One problem of many people is that they underestimate what it will take to succeed. Enlightenment political philosopher Montesquieu declared, In most things success depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed. When we haven’t counted the cost of success, we approach challenges with mere interest; what is really required is total commitment. And that makes all the difference.

7. Perseverance Doesn’t Demand More Than We Have but All That We Have

Author Frank Tyger observed, In every triumph there is a lot of try. But perseverance means more than trying. It means more than working hard. Perseverance is an investment. It is a willingness to bind oneself emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually to an idea or task until it has been completed. Perseverance demands a lot, but heres the good news: everything you give is an investment in yourself.

The Five Enemies of Perseverance

French scientist Louis Pasteur said, Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lives solely in my tenacity. Perseverance begins with the right attitude, an attitude of tenacity. But the desire to persevere alone isn't enough to keep most people going when they are tired or discouraged. Perseverance is a trait that can be cultivated. And the initial step to developing it is to eliminate its five greatest enemies:

1. A Lifestyle of Giving Up
2. A Wrong Belief That Life Should Be Easy
3. A Wrong Belief That Success Is a Destination
4. A Lack of Resiliency
5. A Lack of Vision

TALENT + PERSEVERANCE = A TALENT-PLUS PERSON PUTTING THE TALENT-PLUS FORMULA INTO ACTION

Precious Lord

By Thomas A. Darsey (1987)

Precious Lord take my hand
Lead me on
Help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on, to the light
Take my hand
Precious Lord
And lead me home

Precious Lord
You're the one
That I built my life on
You're my rock
You're my hope
You are my song
You picked me up, made me strong
When my way was all wrong
Here's my hand
Precious Lord
Now lead me home

When my way grows drear
Precious Lord, linger near
When my life is almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call
Take my hand lest I fall
Take my hand
Precious Lord
And lead me home

Take my hand
Precious Lord

And lead me home

The problems with pride

By Dr John C Maxwell

Pride goes before disaster, and a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

Pride is such a huge barrier to success and the development of talent that we need to examine it in greater detail. Here are just a few of the negative effects of pride as they relate to Teachability:

1. Pride Closes Our Minds to New Ideas

I’ve yet to meet a conceited, arrogant, or prideful person who possessed a teachable spirit. How about you? The writer of Proverbs observed, “Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Teachability in its most fundamental form is a willingness to open our minds to new ideas. Pride prevents that.

2. Pride Closes Our Minds to Feedback

Stephen Covey comments, “It takes humility to seek feedback. It takes wisdom to understand it, analyze it, and appropriately act on it.” I’ve already confessed to you that I have not always been a good listener. But I’ve learned over the years that I cannot do anything of real value alone. Achievement requires teamwork, and none of us is as smart as all of us. Having learned that lesson, I am continually asking members of my team to give me input on my ideas. I find this most valuable before team members or I take action, but I also solicit feedback throughout the process. The communication process looks something like this:

The process begins with an idea, which becomes improved through the interaction of the team. But what also happens is that because of the input and feedback I receive, my next idea improves. As long as I am willing to listen to and embrace feedback, it not only improves whatever task we’re working on; it also improves me!

3. Pride Prevents Us from Admitting Mistakes

The commanding admiral ordered a group of navy pilots on maneuvers to maintain radio silence. But one young pilot mistakenly turned on his radio and was heard to mutter, “Man, am I fouled up!” When the admiral heard it, he grabbed the microphone from the radio operator and barked into it, “Will the pilot who broke radio silence identify himself immediately!” After a long pause, a voice on the radio was heard to say, “I may be fouled up, but I’m not that fouled up!”

Fear may keep some people from admitting mistakes, but pride is just as often the cause. The problem is that one of the best ways we grow is by admitting mistakes and learning from them. Writer William Bolitho observed, “The most important thing in life is not to capitalize on our gains. Any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from our losses. That requires intelligence; and makes the difference between a man of sense and a fool.”

4. Pride Keeps Us from Making Needed Changes

Anytime we do a job and think we did it well, we become reluctant to make changes to our work. We become dedicated to the status quo instead of progress. Why? Because we have an emotional investment in it. For example, anytime in the past when I’ve taken a leadership position in which I inherited a staff, I had little reluctance to make changes for the good of the organization. If someone wasn’t doing the job and or could not grow and improve, I would replace him or her. However, if someone I selected was falling short, I was much slower to make the needed change. Pride caused me to defend what sometimes should not have been defended. When it comes to changing others, we want to do it immediately. But changing ourselves? Not so fast! That’s a problem.

How to Overcome a Pride Problem

An obstacle to your growth, then you need to take some deliberate and strategic steps to overcome it. That may not be easy, bounding Father Benjamin Franklin observed, “There is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive. Even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.” To start the process, here is what I suggest:

Recognize and Admit Your Pride

The first and most difficult step in overcoming pride is recognizing that it’s a problem since those who are bound by it are often unaware of it. To defeat pride, we need to embrace humility, and few desire that. Writer and apologist C. S. Lewis remarked, “If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, you are very conceited indeed.”

To try to maintain perspective, I have carried a poem by Saxon White Kessinger with me. And when I’m starting to think that I’m really important, I pull it out and read it. The poem is called “Indispensable Man.”

Sometime when you’re feeling important;

Sometime when your ego’s in bloom

Sometime when you take it for granted

You’re the best qualified in the room,

Sometime when you feel that your going

Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions

And see how they humble your soul;

Take a bucket and fill it with water,

Put your hand in it up to the wrist,

Pull it out and the hole that’s remaining

Is a measure of how you’ll be missed.

You can splash all you wish when you enter,

You may stir up the water galore,

But stop and you’ll find that in no time

It looks quite the same as before.

The moral of this quaint example

Is do just the best that you can,

Be proud of yourself but remember,

There’s no indispensable man.

People have a natural tendency to believe—or to hope—that they are indispensable, that the world will stop and take notice if anything happens to them. But I have to tell you, as someone who has presided over many funerals, life goes on. When someone dies, the family and friends closest to him grieve. But the rest of the people who attend the reception after the funeral are more worried about the potato salad than the dearly departed. So Kessinger’s advice is really good: do your best but remember that no one is indispensable.

Resolving a past conflict

By Dr Neil Anderson

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart (Psalm 86:11 NIV).

You have no control over a primary emotion, developed in the past, when it is triggered. It doesn’t do any good to feel guilty about something you have no control over. But you can seek to resolve the past conflict, and you can immediately evalu­ate the present circumstance to bring it into perspective. For example, suppose you meet a man named Bill. He looks like the Bill who used to beat you up as a child. Even though he’s not the same person, your primary emotion initially jumps to a 3 on a scale of 10. But you mentally tell yourself that this is not the same Bill, and you think yourself down to a 2.

You have not only used this process yourself thousands of times, but you have also helped others do it. Someone flies off the handle, so you grab him and tell him to get hold of himself. You are helping that person gain control of himself by making him think. Notice how this works the next time you’re watching a football game and tempers explode on the field. One player grabs an enraged teammate and says, “Listen, Meathead, you’re going to cost us a 15-yard penalty and perhaps the game if you don’t simmer down.” The player will see the conflict in perspec­tive and will get himself under control by thinking clearly.

Some Christians assert that the past isn’t important. If you’re talking about truth, then I would agree. The truth is truth, past, present, and future. But if you are talking about what people are actually experiencing, I would have to disagree. Most of the people who argue that the past isn’t important have major unre­solved conflicts from the past which they are not allowing to sur­face. They are attempting to handle themselves by living in denial. Either that or they are extremely fortunate to have a con­flict-free past. Those who have had major traumas and have learned to resolve them in Christ know how devastating the past can be to present reality.

Lord, I choose not to live in denial. Give me the grace to look at my past and the courage to face the truth.