Learn to think differently

By Dr Henry Cloud/Dr John Townsend

Thinking and the Truth

When we take distorted thinking to the next level, to the level of important life goals, we begin to see how much it can affect whether you get what you want out of life. The very way people think can render them powerless and helpless, and lead them to blame others. For example, sometimes people see themselves and their abilities in such a way that they feel they could never succeed. Others look at their options as severely limited. And others listen to their minds telling them that if they take a small risk, their world will fall apart. You really can’t overstate the importance of your thinking patterns. Nor can you overstate how dramatically helpful it can be to learn to think differently. That is why thinking is one of your eight keys to empowerment and life change.

Make the Shift

As you begin the process of learning to think differently, one fundamental reality that you must come to terms with is that your mind is not always telling you the truth! Your thinker sometimes thinks thoughts that have nothing to do with reality. This is despite the fact that your mind may be telling you that those thoughts are real, true, and accurate.

What Your Mind Distorts

Let’s look at some of the major ways that our mind distorts reality in the areas that affect empowerment and life ownership. As you read over these common statements or practices, think about times you may have used them yourself, and consider what it may have cost you.

Distorted- Thinking Statement No. 1: “I’ve Tried Everything and Nothing Helps.”

When facing an unreached goal, a relational opportunity, or a life problem that needs to be resolved, a person will often express some form of I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. That is to say, he believes he has tried everything, and there are no solutions, in his mind, he has exhausted all the possibilities for making changes, achieving dreams, and making improvements, and now he must resign himself to the reality that there is no hope for betterment. Nothing helps.

It is true that there are those times in which nothing does help, at least in the sense that you can’t undo the past. When a person you love dies, he is gone. When you get fired, you are not likely to get the job back. When your husband says critical things to you, they can’t be unsaid. No device has yet been invented that can rewind what has happened and replay it by a different script. Dealing with the inevitability of the past is more a matter of knowing how to grieve and adapt.

But the distorted thinking that leads one to think everything possible has been done and the situation is hopeless is another matter. The person with this mentality believes he has nothing left but to accept a bad situation with no hope of change. That is a discouraging and disempowering thinking pattern, and it keeps people stuck and hopeless.

Distorted - Thinking Statement No. 2: “I Can’t”

I can’t thinking is the opposite of can do thinking. It is literally can’t do thinking. In this mentality, people feel unable to make any move to better their situation or reach their goal. They feel profoundly helpless. I can’t thinking simply shuts the door to opportunities, hope, and change. There is no resource; nothing can be done and nothing can be different.

The Bible teaches the same thing about I can’t thinking when it speaks about practicing those things which lead us to maturity: “But solid food for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil” (Hebrews 5:14 NASB). Practicing means trying and failing, and practicing brings training to us. Practice is one of the antidotes to “I can’t.”

Distorted-Thinking Practice No. 1: Passive Language

Active and passive meanings have no moral value; they are neither good nor bad. They just convey when people use passive language to explain their choices in such a way that they disown responsibility ownership, and empowerment. They have selected a way of thinking and communicating to others that hampers their ability to take charge and take action to get what they need. Now you can get back to what you can do and achieve. Until you do that, other people are in charge of your life;

Distorted- Thinking Practice No. 2: Negative Thinking

The minds of some people seem to work negatively all the time on just about everything. Whatever the event, problem, or opportunity, they cast a dark light on it which discourages them and keeps them from the moves they need to make. For them, the glass is always half empty, and the light at the end of the tunnel is always a train.

Research indicates that negative thinkers will key in on three basic areas of life: themselves, the world, and the future. They see themselves as unlucky, even as losers who never get a break. They look at the world as unfriendly to them, oppressing their chances, and giving others more opportunity. They don’t see their future as positive and hopeful. It seems bleak and dark, with no hope to brighten it up.

You may have tendencies toward negative thinking and not even be aware of them. You may think you are simply being realistic. You may even think, Those positive thinkers are out of touch with reality They live in the clouds and don’t understand life the way it really is. You can see how negative thinking can paralyze your ability to combat the culture of blame and prevent you from taking hold of your life in an exciting and change-producing way. Taking chances, risks, and dreaming great dreams takes energy and passion. That energy and passion get sapped and drained when we are plagued by negative thinking.

Distorted- Thinking Practice No. 3: Defensive Thinking

Sometimes distorted thinking causes our minds to work against us. Strange as it seems, our minds will often work very hard to ward off thoughts of any positive plans, changes, and improvements. The mind will create a million excuses and defenses designed to keep us snug in our comfort zone and away from anxiety and tension. This is called defensive thinking. If you see this tendency in yourself, you need to resolve it and get past it, for it is another insidious dream-robber.

Steps to Thinking Better

You need your mind.

To reach your potential, to achieve your goals and dreams, whether they be about career, love, family, habits, or spiritual growth, you need your mind to be your ally and friend, not an obstacle. A mind plagued with excuses, negativity, passive discouragement, and similar contamination is like an engine full of sludge. It will not get you where you want to go.So we want to show you some of the best steps you can take to revive your thinker and make it help rather than hinder your efforts to be more successful.

Step No. 1: Commit Yourself to Raw Reality

Reality may not be pleasant, but no problem was ever solved, no goal ever reached without looking at the situation squarely with no editing or refraining. Don’t be afraid to say, I need to know what is true, not what I hope is true. That is your sure path. Look for raw, unvarnished reality, not the prepackaged, politically acceptable type.
Reality will never fail you. It is how God sees everything, and he uses reality to accomplish his purposes. In fact, reality and truth are part of his own makeup. He is “full of unfailing love and truth” (Psalm 86:15 NIT). Seek reality and you will find God there, helping your thoughts conform to the truth.

Step No. 2: Become a Humble Person

Humility is a trait of greatness. It is not an aspect of timid people who see themselves as trash. Humility is the ability to see yourself and your situation clearly for good and for bad. Humble people don’t care if what they do or think makes them look like a hero or a bad guy. They want to get at the heart of the matter. Be humble enough to allow for the possibility that you can do better—and then act on that possibility.

Step No. 3: Be a Self Observer

Develop the ability to monitor yourself. Observe what you do, why you do it, and when you do it. As Dr. Howard Hendricks, one of my favorite professors, used to say, “Become a student of yourself.” That is a trait of successful people, and they achieve success because they are able to confront the truth about themselves and get over their inaccurate and unhelpful thinking patterns.

When I consult with people who come to me with problems, I often have them try this exercise. “Imagine that you are in two places at once: one ‘you’ is in a real interaction with someone else, discussing some goal or problem. The second ‘you’ is floating above, near the ceiling, looking at the interaction of the other you and learning from it. After you leave the conversation, you can use that floating, observing ‘you’ to review what happened and consider what you could have done differently.”

Step No. 4: Forgive

At first blush. forgiveness may not seem to have anything to do with changing your thinking patterns. But it is highly critical to the process. When we forgive, we cancel a debt. That is the meaning of the word in the New Testament. In other words, we let go of our right to extract punishment, justice, and revenge from an offending person.

This releasing of negative baggage has great power to help us think more clearly, for unforgiveness clouds our minds with thoughts of victimization, powerlessness, punishment, unfairness, and retribution. When we haven’t forgiven another person, we can’t look at our situation or see our choices or see our own part in the problem. We focus only on what the other has done and what has been done to us. Forgiveness unlocks the key to that prison, enabling us to flush out the hurt and obsessions about the offending person. Then our minds can once again be clear to think about hope, action, dreams, and goals.

Step No. 5: Create and Write Down the Good Slogans

Your mind has been coming up with excuses to keep you from owning your future, and it has probably been doing so for a long time. As you become more self-aware, start identifying the slogans you have been repeating to yourself that have been chaining you down. We all have them. But go further than that and create new slogans that counter the bad ones. Craft these new slogans so that they put the true vision into perspective.

Write these new slogans down and keep them around you in places that will remind you of what is true and real. Put them in the screensaver on your computer. Place sticky notes on your bathroom mirror and refrigerator. When negative thoughts invade your mind, look at these notes. When you are doing okay, look at them anyway to keep yourself centered on reality. When you are doing the cognitive work of training mind, the personal work of embracing reality, and being humble and forgiving, the presence of these new slogans can be powerful and effective. Here are a few examples:

• No more I can’t excuses. I can, and I will.
• When I fail, I will learn from it and move on.
• I will not wait for life to find me. I will find life.
• There is great opportunity for a great future.
• I am the only person who can own my dreams, and I choose to own them.
• Blame will not get me where I want to go. Ownership will get me there.
• When I take responsibility for my problems. I am in charge.

God understands the power of writing and repetition to help us remember, and that is why he encouraged his people to use this method centuries ago. He wants us to know, remember, and experience the realities that bring about success.

Look at what he told his people after he gave them his law:

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your towhead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9 NASB)

Remember the Ambrose Bierce quote at the beginning of this chapter “Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.” Bierce was trying to be funny, but he was also being cynical. The reality is that God gave you a brain, not as an apparatus to make you think that you think, but as a tool to help you to see reality for what it is, and then to think plan, dream, and take ownership of your life. You can own your own thinker! Take charge of it